Monday, May 21, 2007

Baa

I have officially earned the title of black sheep of the family. Usually it takes committing a crime, acquiring a drug habit, or some other offensive act to land yourself in the land of the black sheep, but unbeknownst to me, there seems to be another way--- Midwifery. For most people that may not seem like much, but my stepmother is a nurse and my sister-in-law is a nurse-practitioner for the area's leading cardiothoracic surgeon (about as medical as you can get). I underestimated the effect my announcement of midwifery school would have. I didn't realize that it would be taken as an affront to the chosen professions of my family members. I found out on Mother's Day that I have been forced into a "soft banishment". The women of the family all went out to celebrate the day together, and I was spirited away by my father under the guise of lunch with my daughter. My dad, being the slightly clueless, quickly aging male that he is, let the cat out of the bag without ever really realizing it. I have always flirted with black sheep status, what with my interracial dating (my most serious offense to date), massage school, and my choice of male roommates in college, but I never would have guessed that midwifery would be the nail in the coffin. I guess I shouldn't be offended.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Midwifery Cliff

Ahhhh....Midwifery. Yeah I chose it. No, actually, it chose me- in a way that I can't fight or deny. It has worked its way into my life in a way I'll never be able to remove. I am realizing that I was born to be a midwife. I now know that every experience in my life has led me to this place(extremely cheesy, but true). The scary part is that this dream I have may end up denying me the other dreams I still have. I want a child so badly some days that it consumes me. I would like to actually meet a male that might make that happen, but student midwives have no social life. I tried it once. It didn't work out well. Add single working mother to the midwifery student mix and you have a recipe for social disaster. Not the hottest descriptors. Sometimes I look at all I might be giving up, and I hope that this doesn't turn out to be an all-or- nothing proposition. During my Winter quarter I had moments where I tried to decide not to be a midwife. Looking back I see that was like trying to decide not to be a woman- technically possible but it would take a lot of work, denial and medication to make it happen. I realize that this journey is akin to hurling myself off a cliff, even after I saw the dangerous drop coming. There are only two ways this will turn out. I can crash to my death (mostly social, some emotional), or by some miracle I will walk away an extremely happy fulfilled woman and midwife. Fasten your seatbelts.