Why I Advocate for Homebirth

I have come to realize in a very real way that my opinions on birth don't just effect me. They effect my child, my friends, my family, and my clients. Some entirely unintended effects are that some of my friends feel they can't talk to me and some of my clients feel they failed me or feel judged by me if they don't have an unmedicated or homebirth. I hope this post can clarify my thoughts. I advocate for homebirth not because I feel it is the only true choice or because I think homebirth mothers are somehow superior. I advocate for homebirth because I care a lot about my friends and clients. It is out of protection and love that I wish a homebirth for you. A place where you will be honored simply because you are a woman embarking on this amazing and challenging journey, a place where you can have moments of weakness and not be rescued, a place where you will be respected for your choices no matter what they are, a place where you will be surrounded by women who will empathize with you and support your innate strength and ability to bring your baby into this world, a place where your baby will be treated as a human being and will be handled gently with love, a place where at least this birth assistant will have tears in her eyes from the sheer awe that comes with every woman's birth triumph and love for her new baby....this place is your home.




My own birth is one which most of my friends know was very disempowering, disrespectful, unfulfilling, and at times traumatic. If mine were the exception in the many hospital births I've attended, I could get past it, but it isn't. I have attended similar births over and over. Women are sold short by their care providers over and over. Women are not given all the information they need to make the best decisions for themselves and their babies over and over. Mothers are separated from their babies for absolutely no good reason over and over. Women are treated as weak, unintelligent burdens over and over.




I have the sometimes unfortunate ability to feel other people's emotions as my own. Every time a friend or client has a negative or traumatic birth experience, I feel it. When it doesn't work out the way they had hoped and they are filled with guilt, sadness and regret, I feel it. What gets difficult for me is feeling it so often. So you see it isn't judgement that I am feeling, it is a deep sadness that you didn't get what you deserved.




I understand that not every woman can birth safely at home, and I mourn for them, not because they have to go to the hospital, but because they don't get a choice. I also understand that not every woman feels safe giving birth at home, and I mourn for them as well, again not because they have to go to the hospital, but because society and the media have taken away their ability to choose. This is not to say that women cannot have a satisfying and positive birth experience in the hospital. They can and they do. Every time a friend or client chooses the hospital for their birth, I hope against hope that it will be everything they hoped for and more. And if, for some reason, it isn't, I will be there to support them and hold their hand through the tears that will eventually come, not judging, just feeling their pain.


So my sincere wish for every woman is, at the very least, to witness a gentle, loving, respectful, joyful homebirth. I wish this because I want every woman to know what is possible. Then they can make a truly informed decision on where the best place is to have their baby.




Please go to this amazing blog post that accurately represents my doula and birth philosophy. I couldn't have said it better myself. http://http//phdoula.blogspot.com/2009/09/what-i-want-my-friends-to-know.html

AND THE WINNER IS................

Malea !!!

I could not think of a better reason to begin writing my blog again than outrageous bragging on behalf of my incredible child. We entered her in the Dillard's back-to-school model makeover contest in which parents sent in pictures of their child in worn out, outgrown clothing. The reward was a $250 mini-shopping spree (I say mini because it's Dillard's and their stuff is EXPENSIVE), a photo shoot for the Sunday paper, and walking the runway in a fashion show. I entered her for the free clothes, her goal was the photo shoot and fashion show.

The bottom photo was the winner. The top photo was her favorite.

After being notified that she was a winner (and several long minutes of screaming at the top of her lungs) we set up an appointment for a fitting. They allowed Malea to choose two outfits for the photo shoot and fashion show. After several hours of trying on and picking, then reconsidering and adding, she had her two outfits. We were to return the next day for the photo shoot.

When we arrived at Dillard's Malea was VERY excited. She had been practicing poses and looks for days.

Upon arrival she was ushered into the dressing room to don her first outfit and then sent to hair and make-up. Funny thing is, they decided her hair was so cute that she didn't need hair, just make-up. Now I'm not sure if that is because it really was cute or because the mane on her head is daunting, having sent hair dressers running, fearing for their lives. Combing it out takes up to 45 minutes when we haven't been religious about combing it and the amount of product required to tame it is mindblowing. So I guess we'll never know. I'll just take it as a compliment. Make-up was very light and quick.

Ahhhhh.... I didn't think she could get any more beautiful than she already was. I was wrong

One outfit change later and even more gorgeous.

Even models have their moments.
I will attempt to post the video from the fashion show scheduled for tomorrow, something I have yet to figure out how to do.

I have kept Malea from modeling, despite the constant urging from family, friends, and complete strangers because I wanted her to know that the inside is far more important than the outside. I hope that there has been enough of a foundation laid that she can be both- pretty inside and out. I figured that the call from the Gifted and Talented Program last week telling me how smart she was was an indication that she wasn't all beauty, but a bunch of brains as well.

Pull'em out, Pull 'em out, Waaaay out!!!

My gorgeous child has been struggling with a not so gorgeous pair of loose teeth. They have been very loose and very crooked for like two or three months now. She was starting to get teased because she began looking a little like Mater from the movie "Cars". We have spent evenings wiggling these two stubborn teeth and have been anxiously waiting for them to fall out. Tonight she went for it.

Before: two crazy teeth

10 Minutes Later: One down, one to go

After: 5 minutes later, one extremely happy, screaming toothless wonder

It's funny how, as a parent, you anxiously await the milestones only to realize afterwards that there is one more thing you will never again experience with them. Proof that they are one step closer to being grown and gone. I am so thankful that I was not at a birth or at school. We got to share a very special moment that I am sure she won't soon forget. A ray of light in a week full of clouds. Hopefully it will be a fond memory that will help her through the times when I'm not able to be there. I have one very tough, brave girl who I know will continue to make me proud every day.

Brand Spanking New Political Activist

I have always prided myself on being relatively well informed. I know enough about a variety of subjects to be dangerous, a bit like a "jack-of-all-trades master of none". I realized this last week that I am painfully ignorant to the ways of our government. It began with the caucus I went to here in Nevada. I debated going because I have never been to one, and I am not comfortable in situations I am unfamiliar with. I had no idea what to expect and had assumed that there would be lots of people trying to give me information to help me make up my mind. Yes, I'm still on the fence, even after caucusing (if that's a word). That didn't happen. I had to beg to have my questions answered and no one from any camp knew a thing about midwives, especially the direct-entry variety. I can't say I'm shocked. What I can say is that I'm disappointed. I realize that I am entering a field that is not well known nationally and especially in Nevada, but I had hoped that someone would have some idea. Didn't happen. I did have conversations with several other voters, and they are now aware of midwives (or at least midwifery students) in Nevada. Maybe that is my role in all of this. Education. I know my massage clients are sick of hearing my latest midwifery rant, so talking about midwifery is apparently very easy and enjoyable for me.

Round two came in Washington state this week at school. Part of the education I am receiving includes political issues surrounding midwifery. It is an invaluable part of the program. I spent an entire day with midwives, instructors, student midwives, and midwifery consumers meeting with state senators and representatives to help gather support for a midwifery related bill. Embarrassingly, I have no idea who my representatives are, nor did I know that I could just make an appointment and talk with them. I can't say that before midwifery I had much to talk to them about. I have been fairly absent when it comes to knowing local issues.

I was impressed with the knowledge, tenacity and patience of these women who have come before me, the ones who have opened, and will continue to open, the door for me. I plan to help nudge it open a little further. I have now been bitten by the political bug, and have no idea where that will take me or what it might mean. I think it means I am in for a long, exhausting haul. With no licensing or regulation in the state of Nevada, and many who prefer it stay that way, I'm not sure what the future holds. What I do know is that I want to be part of that future, whatever it may bring.

The First Step

On the midwifery front, I was part of an amazing birth last night. I got to watch a fantastic doula in action and help out here and there with a little Reiki and massage during the labor at home. And then we left for the hospital. I was very skeptical of what would take place when we got there. We were greeted exactly the way I had assumed. The anxiety level went up about 8 notches when we got there. Bright lights, lots of people (5 in addition to the 4 of us) 3 offers for a heplock, lots of monitoring and I think a partridge in a pear tree. During that time, the doula was great. She stayed in the moms face and helped her tune it all out and focus her back. The feeling had changed dramatically from what it had been at the house.

And then something entirely unexpected happened. A nurse-midwife was attending the birth, and as soon as she got there things began to change. She turned the lights WAY down, took the monitors off to respect the mom's wishes for intermittent monitoring and had a nurse hold it on every other contraction. She brought the level of the room way down. She did the most amazing instruction and perineal support during crowning that my jaw literally dropped. I might even have said "Holy shit!" under my breath. The baby got to go right to mom's chest where she was left for at least an hour. It was the closest thing I have ever seen to a homebirth in the hospital. No meds, no wires, no harassing of the mom. I cried as usual and was just grateful that I got to be there and help out in whatever minuscule way I could. Births make me outrageously happy. School administrators are a whole different story....

A New Reality

Day one: Classmates started winter quarter. I did not. I went to clinic because I can't see myself anywhere else doing anything else. There is a possibility that I won't get credit for these hours, but I don't care. There are times in life when things don't go exactly as you planned, and the reason doesn't become apparent until much later. I have joked about my adventures in dating, but a life partner is something I have asked for over and over. I have also been told that starting a relationship in midwifery school and having it succeed is near impossible. I guess the saying is true, "Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it." Maybe one prayer has been answered at the expense of the other. Maybe one has just been delayed only to be more greatly appreciated down the road. I am still wading through the immense disappointment. I just need to have faith.

Ahhh... Nothing Better Than a New Baby

I just wanted to share the photos of my first solo newborn exam. Beautiful Avalon's parents gave me permission to post these. I love this job.