Midwifery Cliff

Ahhhh....Midwifery. Yeah I chose it. No, actually, it chose me- in a way that I can't fight or deny. It has worked its way into my life in a way I'll never be able to remove. I am realizing that I was born to be a midwife. I now know that every experience in my life has led me to this place(extremely cheesy, but true). The scary part is that this dream I have may end up denying me the other dreams I still have. I want a child so badly some days that it consumes me. I would like to actually meet a male that might make that happen, but student midwives have no social life. I tried it once. It didn't work out well. Add single working mother to the midwifery student mix and you have a recipe for social disaster. Not the hottest descriptors. Sometimes I look at all I might be giving up, and I hope that this doesn't turn out to be an all-or- nothing proposition. During my Winter quarter I had moments where I tried to decide not to be a midwife. Looking back I see that was like trying to decide not to be a woman- technically possible but it would take a lot of work, denial and medication to make it happen. I realize that this journey is akin to hurling myself off a cliff, even after I saw the dangerous drop coming. There are only two ways this will turn out. I can crash to my death (mostly social, some emotional), or by some miracle I will walk away an extremely happy fulfilled woman and midwife. Fasten your seatbelts.